You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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