we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
