There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
