you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
