I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
