You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
