I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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