can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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