i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
