there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
