I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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