I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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