just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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