I feel like abortions should bother me more
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
