dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think my mom watched the whole time
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
