Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize