the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
