Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
