He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
