i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
