What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
