dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
