Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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