can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
