im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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