i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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