just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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