if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
