Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize