If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
