Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
