you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's official drugs can't kill me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
