just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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