that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Who did Billy Mays play for?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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