I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
