I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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