Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
