i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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