remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
