i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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