Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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