I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
