am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
