I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
