1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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