I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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