I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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