It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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