i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
