She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
