mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
