Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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