hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
