This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
40s are totally the cure
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
