i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
