My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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