I think I died a long time ago.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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