I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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