No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize