haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
