3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
