I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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