i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
