I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
