drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
