Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
