I CAN MOONWALK!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize