You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
