I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
