that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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