he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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