Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
