Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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