I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
