17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I forget how to act sober
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
